Frosting for Crimmus Cookies!

As a follow up to yesterday's cookie recipe, here is the frosting.

1. Toss a half stick of butter in the mixer.

2. Add 2 cups of confectioner's sugar.

3. Add 2 tsps of vanilla and 3 TBSPs milk.

4.  If you'd like add 1/2 tsp of almond extract.

Now, you can frost and decorate the cookies.

After 1/2 and hour on the cookies, the frosting should harden to the point that you can stack the cookies. Still, it is best to separate layers with waxed paper.

Store the decorated cookies in a tight fitting container with a slice of bread to maintain softness.

Crimmus Cookies!

So, I've been making or helping to make these cookies since. . . well, for a long time.

They are called Kris Kringles. I don't know if that is their common name, though, so call them whatever you like. You can make them for St. Patrick's day then and not just Christmas.

In terms of cut-out cookies, they are relatively simple to make. The only ingredient that is exotic is cream of tartar. Cream of tartar is potassium bitartrate, and it is not made from relish and mayo and it is definitely not a grumpy cat.

1. Cream 2 sticks of butter (i.e. 1 cup) with 2 cups of sugar.

2. Beat three eggs slightly, and mix them into the butter and sugar.

3. Dissolve 1/2 a tablespoon of Cream of tartar and 1/2 a tablespoon of baking soda in 2 tablespoons milk.

4. Mix that into the butter and sugar mixture.

5. Add 1 tsp salt and 1 tsp vanilla.

6. Now mix in up to 4 1/2 cups flour. Too much flour it dries out and too little it doesn't roll properly.

7. You can roll the dough now, but I like to let is chill in the fridge for a day or so.

8. Work about 1/2 the dough in your hands like you are making a big meatball.

9. Roll it flat on a floured surface with a rolling pin to desired thickness.

10. Get to cutting!

(Or get a little girl to do that part for you.)

11. Bake the cookies in a 350 degree oven for about 10 minutes. Smaller cookies will take about 7. Big, thick cookies might take as many as 12.

12. Cool on a wire rack, then transfer to a tray.

13. Repeat until all the dough is used up, or until you are sick of making cookies.

It makes a lot of cookies.

14. After they have cooled, they need some frosting, and decorating.



I guess I can give you a frosting recipe late. . .

The Making of. . .

I'm in the middle of making some Crimmus cookies. Dough is chilling as we speak. Will share a recipe with pictures tomorrow if all goes according to plan.

In the meantime, enjoy this clip of the true meaning of the holiday.

I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth. . .

If you're like me, and I know I am, you might not read recipes carefully prior to going shopping. Then you're in the middle of baking and realize that you can't finish the recipe.

What to do?

Well, generally, it is best to go back to the store. Or find a different recipe.

But we can SUBSTITUTE. Sometimes we can even SUBSTITUTE for a SUBSTITUTE!

Here are some quick fixes for what you might be missing.

ALL SPICE: Use a mixture of half cinnamon and half cloves.

BAKER'S CHOCOLATE: You can replace an ounce with a tablespoon of Crisco and 3 Tablespoons Cocoa powder.

BUTTERMILK: You can use yogurt in most recipes, or make some buttermilk by pouring a cup of whole milk over a tablespoon of white vinegar and letting it sit for five minutes.

WHITE SUGAR: Brown sugar, just use 25% more.

Seriously, though. Nobody keeps buttermilk in their house, right?

Roast Chicken (Farm Style)

I thought I give a simple recipe for chicken where you didn't have to butcher and brown it first.

I don't know why you wouldn't want to do these things, but some people are weird.

This recipe is easy in terms of ingredients, but needs a dutch oven to work properly.

In fact, I think that this recipe might only require THREE ingredients. Four, if you count water.

You won't get a crispy skin, which is sad.

1. Buy a chicken. You'll want a roaster. Nothing major. A four pound bird.

2. Preheat the oven to 375.

3. Remove the giblets and rinse the bird.

4. Place the bird in a dutch oven, breast side up.

5. Add 3/4 cups water and 3 tablespoons butter into the dutch oven.

6. Lay five strips of bacon over the top of the bird, perpendicular to its line of symmetry.

7. Put the top on the dutch oven.

8. Put the dutch oven in the proper oven.

9. Leave it in there for 75 minutes. (Some recipes call for constant basting. I don't have a baster, so in order to keep the bird from drying out I leave the top on the dutch oven. Its easier.)

10. Take the bird out and put it on a plate for slicing. (Eat the bacon or share it with the dog.)

11. Pour some of the fat out of the juices. (It should be floating on top.)

12. Add 1 cup of water to the oven juices.

13. Place that on the stove on high.

14. Boil and reduce the volume to half.

15. Hey, you've got gravy!

I suppose I should add a recipe for biscuits. . .

Happy Thanksgiving

What Thanksgiving means to me (Part 2)

What Thanksgiving means to me. . .

No other explanation needed.

Chicken Gumbo

Gumbo was, of course, invented by Hank Williams, I think sometime in the 18th century right before he was the president of Texas.

All right, enough misinformation for one recipe.

Gumbo is the official cuisine of Louisiana and it has many variations. Seafood, sausage, chicken, ham, and all sorts of things can find a good home in a Gumbo. Mr. Williams sings of a filé gumbo. Filé powder is a thickener added at the end of cooking made from the leaves of sassafras.  The roots of sassafras contain something called safrole, which is considered a weak carcinogen. The leaves are thought to be safe, but generally speaking okra works just fine as a thickening agent. 

Gumbo is often, but doesn't have to be, made with the holy trinity. This is the Cajun version of mirepoix. Mirepoix consists of celery, onions and carrots; the holy trinity is celery, onions and bell pepper. 


1. Start by dissecting a stewing chicken into its useful components. A stewing chicken is an older more flavorful bird that requires slow cooking to be tasty. If you can't find one, a roasting chicken works well enough, but will require a little more fine tuning in the seasoning department. 

2. Cover your chicken pieces in flour.

3. Brown the pieces in 1/4 cup bacon fat. You want to use a big pot or a Dutch oven for this. (I guess you can use salted butter in lieu of bacon fat, but you really ought to be saving your drippings.)

4. Pour in 4 cups of boiling water and simmer. Simmer the bird until it falls off the bone. (It'll take several hours, so I hope you weren't in a hurry.)

5. After the meat starts to separate from the bones, remove the chicken, chop it into bite size pieces, and set it off to the side. 

6. Strain the bones from the stock and set your delicious chicken stock off to the side. 

7. Now, in your soup pot, combine 2 cups of skinned tomatoes, fresh corn cut off from 1 or 2 cobs, 1 cup of sliced okra (it's gooey and a little gross), a seeded and chopped green bell pepper, 1/3 cup diced onion, 1/4 cup celery, 1 tsp salt, 1/4 cup rice and 5 cups water. 

8. Simmer that for about 1/2 an hour, enough to get the vegetables tender. 

9. Combine the vegetables with the chicken meat and stock. 

10. Now season to your heart's content. Toss in some Tabasco, liquid smoke, salt, pepper, or whatever you think will make it taste better. 

(If you do add the filé, now's the time to do it. Don't boil the soup after adding the filé.)

Now, while you make gumbo, you might be tempted to speak like Gambit. I don't recommend doing this thing. Gambit is the worst.  

Chocolate Pudding

This week we have a recipe for pudding. We were going to have a recipe for puddin', but our glorious sponsors at Rock 'n' Roll Dino Productions told us no.

Now the easy way to make this thing is to follow Mr. Cosby's advice and buy one of those blue boxes. But that's like cheating, wonderful, glorious cheating.

Here's another way:

1. In a saucepan combine 1/3 cup cocoa powder (unsweetened Dutch Process, San Francisco Ghiardelli yada yada) with 3/4 cup sugar and 2 tablespoons corn starch.

2. Add 2 3/4 cups milk to this and stir.

3. Turn on the heat to medium, and stir frequently.(Burnt chocolate pudding sticks to pans like crazy.)

4. It will get thicker and a little bubbly. Keep going for a minute or two after it starts to thicken up, and then take it off the heat.

5. Meanwhile, beat four egg yolks in a separate bowl. (They're yolks, not whites, do you don't have to worry about stiff peaks or any of that nonsense.)

6. Now, take a cup of the hot milk mixture and SLOWLY pour it into the egg yolks. Stir and pour slowly at the same time. (Most people don't like scrambled eggs in their chocolate pudding.)

7. When the egg mixture is uniform(ish) dump it into the rest of the milk mixture and turn the heat up to medium-high.

8. Keep stirring.

9. Bring it to a gentle boil, then turn the heat down to low.

10. Stir for about 2 minutes, then take it off the heat.

11. Stir in 1 tablespoon of butter and 1/2 a tablespoon of vanilla.

12. When that is incorporated, you can stop stirring.

13. Serve the pudding hot, or cover it with some plastic wrap and toss it in the fridge to chill.

You can be fancy and pour the still hot pudding into individual containers to chill. These include, but are not limited to: ramekins, trifle dishes, cocktail glasses, teacups, bowls with pictures of the Virgin Mary on them,  the glazed skulls of your fallen enemies, small Tupperwares, or DVD cases.

Serve with whipped cream or that other stuff.

Bound Breading

For those who want to put crumbs on food, this is a recipe for you!

Did you know that bound breading is also known as "coating a l'anglaise"? Did you know that it is almost never called BTK breading?

1. Start by taking that stuff upon which you want there to be crumbs and drying it off. Paper towels work fine.

2. Make a bowl of seasoned flour. Season the flour however you want. Salt, pepper and paprika work for me. (If you have pie tins, they work well for shallow bowls.)

3. In another shallow bowl, mix one beaten egg with a tablespoon of milk. (Don't mix this too much.You don't want it to get bubbly.)

4. In a third bowl, have some breadcrumbs. Have these seasoned however you like, garlic salt, Parmesan cheese, eleven herbs and spices.  Most grocery stores sell pre-seasoned bread crumbs. IF you find a brand you like, good on you.

5. Now take your stuff and put it in the flour. Toss it from one hand to the other to shake off the excess.

6. Slide the stuff through the the egg. Make sure it is gets over all the flour.

7. Hold the stuff over the egg bowl and let all the excess drip off.

8. Now put the stuff into the bread crumbs. Turn and press. Make sure it is completely covered. If it is not, sprinkle some breadcrumbs over its naked shame.

9. Set the newly coated stuff onto a cooling rack. Let it sit there for about 20 minutes before you fry whatever it is you have.

 Just leave it on the counter for those 20 minutes. Don't put it in the fridge or anything. It messes with the frying.


Oh man, I ended the recipe and didn't put in any wrestling youtube videos.

Here you go!

We shall return. . .

We'll be back to regular updates in about 2 weeks.

(I'm on vacation and it has been too hot to think about food. So very hot.)

Until that time, brown the chicken and throw it in the Dutch oven. You can't go wrong.

Drink Like Don Draper

The latest season of "Mad Men" might be over, but you can still drink like Don Draper. (I won't of, of course; I was saved.)

The OLD FASHIONED

1. Place a sugar cube into an old-fashioned glass. 

2. Shake on a dash of bitters.

3. Drop a teaspoon of water onto the cube. 

4. Muddle until dissolved. 

5. Add 2oz of Whiskey (or Rye) and stir. 

6. Add a twist of lemon, and some ice cubes. 

7. Say something demeaning to women and/or insult someone you care about. 

If you are against watering down alcohol with ice cubes, I have a set of these. (Never had any of the problems discussed in negative Amazon reviews.)

The Batter Royale

Check out Bake and Destroy for a nifty contest that combines Pro-Wrestling and Cakes. I have to look through the previous entries to see what has and has not been done before.

Is the world ready for the likes of Jake "The Cake" Roberts, Dean Meringue-o, The UnderCaker, The Red Velvet Rooster, or. . .

I could be here all day. . .

Shortbread

There is a comforting plainness to shortbread. It's a simple, three-four ingredient recipe, quick to make, and easy to eat.

Plus, it has the added bonus having dough that is completely safe for a kid to eat off a spoon.

So, celebrate Scotland and make some shortbread!

1. Cream two sticks of butter. I'll wait.

2. Mix together 2 cups of AP flour, 1/2 cup of confectioner's sugar, and 1/4 teaspoon of salt. (Skip the salt if you used salted butter in step one.)

3. Mix the dry ingredients into the butter, and you'll get a fairly thick dough.

4. Smoosh the dough into a 9x9 pan. (Since the dough is about 28.5% butter, you don't have to grease the pan.)

5. Here is the complicated part: poke it with a fork!

6. Bake it in a 325 degree oven for about 25 minutes.

7. Taste the fork!

Not Dead

Just a busy month for the family.

Marinade for Kabobs

As we all know, shish means stuff and kabob means "on a stick".

Everything is better on a stick. (or is that a pole?)

Anywho, since my wife doesn't like lamb, we usually use chicken as our shish.

Here is what I like to do to it ahead of time.

1. Trim the chicken of fat and gristle.

2. Cut the chicken into proper kebob size. (A little more than an inch across works for me.)

3. Put some Olive Oil into a bowl or dish with a tight fitting lid.

4. Place the chicken cubes in there.

5. Squeeze the juice of a couple of lemons on top of that.

6. Sprinkle in some minced garlic, onion salt, pepper, dill, and marjoram.

7. Put the lid on and shake it up.

8. Toss that into the fridge for an hour or so, and you'll be ready to put the chicken on some sticks.

(Make sure you soak wooden sticks in water, if you plan to cook them on fire.)

Chicken Wings

The popular version of chicken wings started in the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York. You know what else starts around Buffalo?

That's right, The Mosquito Song! (Available as a FREE e-book May 9th and 10th!) Available at that website named after large single-breasted women.

Wait, why are we talking about boobs? They have absolutely nothing to do with chicken wings.

1. Assuming you just bought a pack of chicken wings, and not a dozen chickens, you are going to want to separate the wings into their three parts. At one end is the "drumstick" part, the middle is the "wing" part, and the far end is the "nib".

2. Set the nibs aside for stock or toss them out. OR be like me and do the former, wait three months, then do the latter.

3. Flour the useful parts of the wings. Seasoning if fine, but not really necessary beyond salt and pepper. The flour is more to get the wings dry than to give them flavor.

4. Heat up the deep fat fryer to 375. If you don't have a deep fryer, I am told a dutch oven works well in a pinch. Don't have a dutch oven? You can use a deep frying pan, but be prepared for some greasy cleanup.

5. Cook the wings in relatively small batches for about 10-15 minutes. Set them on paper towels when done.

6. In a large bowl or casserole dish or whatever you have with a tight fitting lid, dump in a bunch of Frank's Red Hot.

7. Add a little melted margarine into the hot sauce. The more you add, the less spicy the wings will be.

8. Put the wings in the bowl.

9. Close the lid.

10. Shake.

Serve these with a bleu cheese dressing. One with chunks, but a mild flavor. Watering it down with mayonnaise isn't frowned upon.

Egg Dumplings

I don't think we've done any German food, before. You can do worse than these egg dumplings whose name comes from a term meaning "little sparrow".

Traditionally,  Spätzle is made by scraping its dough off of a cutting board and dropping it into seasoned water or stock. More modern methods involve a spatzle cutter, or by pushing the dough through a colander.

I tend to put the dough in a pastry bag without a tip, push it through there, and cut off the pieces with a knife until they are about the size of gnocchi.

I've only made them a few times, so this recipe is still being perfected.

Here's how you make the dough.

1. Put a pot of stock or salted, seasoned water on the stove.

2. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer.

3. Beat two eggs in a medium-large bowl.

4. Mix into the eggs: 3/2 cups of flour, 1/2 cup plus a tablespoon water, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon baking powder. (Lookee here, you got dough.)

5. Mix a small amount of grated nutmeg into the dough. (I literally take a lemon zester and run the nutmeg down it once.)

6. Now, you can spoon the dough into the stock, push it through the colander, push it through a pastry bag.

7. When is it done? When it floats! It doesn't take long, so you know what to do.

Now, you're ready for all your German guests.

Banana Cake

All right, all right, maybe I just did a couple of banana recipes. But, guys, this banana cake is so good. It can work with frosting, caramel, whipped cream or just powdered sugar on top. I show it with the powdered sugar, which is good if you are eating it same day. Otherwise, go for a nice frosting.

To make up for another day of bananas, I give you lots of pictures!

1. Set out a stick of butter, 2 eggs and slightly more than 1/4 cup of vanilla yogurt. (Don't mix them, just take them out of the fridge in order to get to room temperature. )

2. Turn on the oven to 350.

3. Mix 2 1/4 cups cake flour with 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder, 1 tsp of baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt.

4. Put the stick of butter in the mixer and cream it.

5. Add to the butter 1 1/2 cups sugar.

6. Add an egg into it and beat it.

7. Do it again.

8. Mash up 1 cup of bananas and mix it with the vanilla yogurt.

9. Now, pour the flour mixture and the banana mixture into the butter mixture in about 3 batches a piece, stirring between each addition.

10. After everything is smooth and mixed, pour the batter evenly into 2 nine-inch cake pans.

11. Bake for about half an hour.

12. After the cakes have cooled, stack them up with a layer of sliced bananas in between.

13. Dust with some powdered sugar.

It kinda looks like a giant moon pie.

Cheese Sauce

Last post, I said something along the lines of "my daughter doesn't eat much of anything."

It's true. 

But she does eat pasta. She doesn't really like red sauce, but anything cheesy is fine.

Thus, cheese sauce for all your Fettuccine Alfredo needs.

1. So, you've made some pasta already, hopefully. In a pot big enough to hold all that pasta, melt a couple of tablespoons of butter. Don't burn it. Keep the heat nice and low.

2. Put a heaping tablespoon of flour into the melted butter and whisk.

3. Once all the flour in incorporated, pour a cup of milk into the butter mixture. (You've got a white sauce!)

4. Now add as much as a cup of grated cheese into this and take it off the heat.

5. Mix it up a little bit, and then throw the pasta into it.

Feel free to add any number of secret ingredients to this sauce. A teaspoon of Worcestershire works, or a little paprika, or any number of things. You can also mess with the fat content of the milk for varying levels of creaminess.

Simple Meatloaf

I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday. . .

No wait.

So, meatloaf can be as simple or as complicated as you'd like it to be. Some people throw in oats or onions, some people shove carrots in there, and really you can do whatever you want with it. Except this.

Never that.

Anyway, the following is a kid-friendly recipe that I have been making since age 9. It is simple, unpretentious, and has no chunks of anything scary in it. Basically, it is ideal for a picky 9 year old.

(My daughter won't eat it, but she won't eat anything.)

This is the sort of meatloaf you put ketchup on, and not the gravy sort. I don't want to mislead you.

1. Turn on the oven to 375.

2. In a large bowl mix 1lb of ground meat, 1 egg, 1 small can of tomato paste, 1/2 cup of Italian breadcrumbs, a little bit of salt, and a little bit of onion salt. Mix it up with your hands, until it is good and squishy.

3. Form a loaf shape with the meat and, for goodness sake, put it in a loaf pan.

4. You can squeeze a little ketchup on the top like Sandra Lee. Just make sure you use a goddamn loaf pan.

5. Cook it for about an hour.

If you want, you can throw some yellow cheese on top of the thing, and throw it back in the oven to melt for a few minutes. Use American cheese if you want. It isn't dinner party food; this is more like "I want to drown my sorrows in meat" food.

And meat makes things better.

Quick Cake

After the great moistness wars of the 1990s, it seems like all boxes of cake mix range from SUPER MOIST to HELLA SUPER MOIST.

That's fine, I guess. To me, the texture is getting farther and farther away from actual cake and closer to something that is individually wrapped.

I find it easier to work with cakes that are a little firmer. The following recipe is for a quick and easy homemade cake. There are a lot more complicated ways out there, with eggs separations, stiff peaks and temperature control. I'll publish one of those guys some time in the future. Those are great if you have all day; this is for people with shit to do.

1. Set out 2 eggs, a stick of butter, and a little over 1/2 cup of milk. You want these to be at room temperature when you start mixing.

2. Turn on the oven to 375.

3. Grease and flour 2 cake pans. Round 8 inches are preferable, but square ones will work too. Remember, wider pans will cook faster and narrower ones will cook slower. It's science!

4. In your mixer, or into a big bowl that works well with a hand mixer, add 7/4 cup cake flour, a cup of sugar, and a bit of salt. (If you are using salted butter, don't bother with more than a sprinkle. Otherwise, you want about a 1/2 teaspoon.)

5. Mix that up a bit to get everything uniform.

6. Add your eggs milk and butter, and slowly mix. Make sure you stop and check the bottom to make sure that all the dry ingredients have gotten wet.

7. Put a little vanilla extract, almond extract, or whatever you feel like, and mix that in.

8. Mix in 1/2 Tablespoon of baking powder.

9. Pour them into your two cake pans and toss those into the oven for about 20 minutes.

Now you've got some cake. After they are done, let them cool for a little bit, then you can frost them and stack them.

You might want to use a serrated knife to flatten the bulbous side of the bottom layer of cake, so the top can rest easily.

All in all, I think you'll fine it quite easy to make this cake.

Baconated Potatoes

So, I've been meaning to make Spätzle, photograph it, and write up a nice recipe.

The problem is, tomorrow is Hitler's birthday. It's not really the time of year to be celebrating German things. So, even though I have relatives names Braunscheidel, it is going to have to wait.

Instead we'll do Baconated Potatoes. These things work for pot-lucks, brunches, Christmas or the Fourth of July. They re-heat well if you return them to the frying pan.

The rules are really loose here and dependent on personal tastes. This is a recipe of "some"s and "about"s. I use about 4 pounds of potatoes and about a pound of bacon. That makes enough for a party, so your mileage may vary

1. Remove blemishes from some potatoes and chop them. (You can peel them, but the skins won't hurt you unless you eat a whole lot. Just make sure there aren't ugly spots or eyes.)

2. Bring a nice big pot of seasoned water to a boil for the potatoes. (Salt and pepper make everything better. A little oil in the pot helps keep things from boiling over.)

3. Drop the potatoes in when the water is boiling. (Be careful not to burn yourself.)

4. You are going to want to boil the potatoes until tender. It usually takes about 20 minutes, but may take longer depending on the size of your chop and the age and breed of potato.

5. While those boil, fry up a pound of bacon in a big frying pan or skillet. Get it nice and crispy. (Wait for the pan to be hot before you drop the bacon. It might take a few batches if your pan is small. If you pan is small, though, you might want to get another one going because you are currently boiling a lot of potatoes.)

6. Pull the bacon out of the pan, set it aside and save the grease in the pan.

7. Drain the potatoes and set those aside. (If you are super cheap, you can save the potato water for soup or bread-making.)

8. Now fry up some minced, crushed, pressed or otherwise smashed garlic in the bacon grease. Just a little, don't burn it. (Feel free to throw in some chopped onions, too. I don't like them, but they work well here.)

9. After you've garlic-ed up the bacon fat, put the potatoes in there and fry away. (The potatoes are already cooked, so you just want them to 1. get color, 2. get crispy, and 3. soak up that bacon grease.)

10. After the potatoes have sucked up all the bacon grease, the bacon should be cool enough to chop. So, chop it.

11. Throw the chopped bacon into the potatoes, and toss it around till mixed.

12. Salt and pepper to taste.

Hard Boiled Eggs

So it's a little late to make these for Easter. Though, in many ways, it is still Easter at the Kennedy household. That is to say, I bought a bunch of 90 percent off candy from Target.

Anyway, it's important to know how to hard boil an egg. You need it for the egg salad that the kids love, and that macaroni salad, and, I dunno, deviled eggs?

This is how you do it.

1. Set your eggs out so that they can rise to room temperature.

2. Put your eggs in a pot.

3. Cover with cold water.

4. Turn on the heat to medium.

5. When the water starts to boil, turn it down to a simmer and note the time.

6. After simmering for about 3 minutes, you will have soft boiled eggs. (These are good if you need to feed a pulp detective. I always picture them eating soft-cooked eggs, despite being "Hardboiled".)

7. After 10 minutes, remove your eggs from the hot water and set them in some cold water. (This keeps them from cooking more, and it keeps the yolks from turning that ugly color.)

8. Crack the shells and roll them in your hands to peel.

Remember kids: the fresher the eggs are, the harder they are to peel.

King Koopa Muffins

See these things?

Did you know they could be made into food?!
It's true!

Since theses strange things are green, yellow and orange, we have decided to name these muffins after one of the greatest heroes of our time.

1. Turn on the oven to 365.

2. Grease up a muffin tin. This should fill up 12 standard sized muffins fairly well. (I suppose you can use a Big Top Cupcake if you want one Giga-Bowser muffin, but you'll have to adjust time and temp.)

3. Toss a stick plus 3 Tablespoons of butter in the mixer with 2 eggs, 2/3 cups light brown sugar, 1/2 cup white sugar, and 1 teaspoon of vanilla.

4. Mix that till it is fairly uniform.

5. In a separate bowl, combine 2 cups AP flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 2 teaspoons of cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg, 1/4 teaspoon of cloves and 1/2 a teaspoon of Morton Salt. (“I won’t publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade.”)

6. Add the dry ingredients to the wet, and stir until mixed.

7. Stir in 1/2 cup finely shredded carrots, 3/4 cups finely shredded zucchini, and 3/4 cups finely shredded yellow summer squash. (I used baby carrots, but only because that is what I had. It's a lot easier to use whole carrots. Don't you be like me.)

8. Fill up the tins evenly. (I find it easiest to use a small measuring cup to scoop the batter into the cups. When scooping make sure that none of the vegetables have clumped together, and pull out any pieces that may be too big. )

9. Toss them into the oven and bake for about 22 minutes.

10. Now, you just have to employ some turtles and mushrooms in your schemes to best a plumber!

Muffin Tips

I plan on making some muffins this week. Muffins provide the fun of quick breads without all that tedious slicing.

Here are a few things to help you out on your muffinly journeys.

1. Remember that muffin tins vary in size. Make sure you have the right size for your recipe, or plan ahead if you know you are using a different size.

2. Put a little water in the bottom of the leftover muffin tins before putting the tray in the oven.

3. If you don't have those little papers, grease the dick out of those muffin tins.

4. If you do have those little papers, grease the tops of the tins anyway to avoid having any spills or overflows sticking to the pan.

5. If your muffins come out with weirdly shaped tops, your oven is too hot.

6. If your muffins aren't rising very much, your oven is too cold.

7. If your muffins come out just right, watch for BEARS!

Multiple Warning Cookies

As fun as it is to have "secret" ingredients, today's fancy pants modern world tends to have a lot of folks with "dietary restrictions." Some of these are self-imposed, like those irritating vegans who aren't Daniel Bryan. Others folks have genuine allergies or intolerances, which makes revealing certain ingredients necessary. 

Even if you think they are whiners. 

At any rate, the following is my recipe for peanut-butter cookies. Beware peanut allergy sufferers and vegetarians. 

This recipe was reverse-engineered from legends of a family recipe, and creates a a very crumbly cookie with a rich flavor. It tastes fine plain, or with added chocolate chips.

1.  Turn on the oven to 375. 

2. You want to beat half a stick of butter until it's nice and soft. 

3. Beat into the butter 1/4 cup of bacon grease. (Did you know that there are perverts who throw away bacon grease? If you don't have any bacon grease, I suppose you could use some grease from prosciutto or pancetta.)

4. Add to this 1/2 cup of white sugar and a 1/2 cup of packed brown sugar. 

5. Mix it until it is good and creamy. 

6. Mix in an egg, 1 cup of peanut butter (I like Jif), 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda and a touch of vanilla. (You want to get a sense of the flavor here, despite the risk of salmonella. If your bacon grease was good and salty, you're set. Otherwise, you'll want to mix in 1/2 teaspoon of salt.)

7. Add about 1 1/4 cups of flour to the dough and mix until combined. (If it looks oily, add up to 1/4 cup more flour. At this point, feel free to throw in some chocolate chips or chunks and fold them into the dough.)

8. You want to roll the dough into balls that are about an inch in diameter and place them onto a cookie sheet. This recipe should make about 5 dozen cookies. (If you have a seasoned cookie sheet, it wont take much grease to keep these things from sticking. Just drop in some vegetable oil, and push it around the pan with a paper towel.  If you've got nice, new cookie sheets, buy some parchment paper. Cut the paper to fit the inside of your cookie sheet, spray it with a little Pam and put the cookies on top of that.)

9. When the balls are on the cookie sheet, take a fork and use its tines to push the cookie down. Then turn the fork 90 degrees and do it again. (You can't have peanut butter cookies without those little squares on top.) 

10. Toss them into the oven for about 10 minutes or so. 

You can impress all your hipster friends with the bacon products inside your cookies! 

(I should have some photos of these from the Mosquito Song release party. Sadly, I never got those pictures from my brother-in-law.)

Not-so-classic Banana Bread

As I said, quick breads hold up to some experimentation. This is today's experiment. 

I didn't have any shortening or walnuts, so I used what I had.

We start with the classic banana bread recipe, and make a few changes.
-We changed the 1/3 cup of shortening to 1/2 cup unsalted butter.
-We substituted half the white sugar with brown sugar.
-We added 1/3 cup of quick cut oats to the banana mixture before the flour.
-In lieu of nuts, we folded in a 1/2 cup of chocolate chunks.

Lots of changes. Still good.

Classic Banana Bread

Banana bread are part of the quick bread family. These are pretty hearty and easy things to make that can stand up to some experimentation.

Why?

Because quick breads don't use yeast, and yeast is the prima donna of the baking world. You've got to give it a lot of time, the right temperature, and whisper sweet nothings into its non-existent ears.

Things like pumpkin bread, banana bread, zucchini bread, and corn bread are much friendlier and more user friendly. Even poorly made quick bread is still pretty good. . . usually. 

Here is solid recipe for Banana Bread.

1. Take two eggs out of the fridge and let them warm to room temp. (Just do this in advance. Don't be stupid and microwave them. If you are stupid and do that thing, video it and put in on YouTube for me.)

2. Turn on the oven to 350.

3. Grease up a loaf pan. (If you don't have one, they sell the disposable foil ones at most grocery stores. Sizes vary, and you'll have to adjust the cooking times accordingly. Ideally, for this recipe you want a pan that is 8 1/2 inches by 4 1/2 inches.)

4. Whisk together 1 3/4 cups of all purpose flour, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and a touch more than 2 teaspoons of baking powder. (Always remember, baking powder and soda are different things.)

5. Set that bowl aside.

6. Mix until creamy 1/3 cup shortening, 2/3 cup sugar, and a touch of grated lemon rind. (A. In a perfect world you do this in a stand mixer, but not all of us have those things. B. Shortening is a good thing to have for baking. You don't have to refrigerate it, and I really like the Crisco logo. The only downside is that it is really hard to clean off of the measuring cups.  C. The lemon rind makes everything better, but isn't essential.)

7. Take your eggs, beat them a little bit and throw them in the shortening mixture.

8. Add a little over 1 cup of mashed, ripe banana pulp to the shortening mixture. (This is about 3 good sized bananas. I like to use bananas that are ready to fall off the bunch if you pick them up, spotted, but not too dark. If they get too black, you might have a fermented flavor to the bread. Though, the really dark ones can be squeezed out of the peels like toothpaste and that is satisfying.)

9. After the eggs and bananas are thoroughly mixed into the shortening mixture, add about 1/3 of the flour mixture to it.

10. Mix and repeat until all the flour mixture is incorporated. (Make sure you get to the bottom of the bowl so that everything is relatively uniform.)

11. Add 1/2 cup of chopped/smashed/broken nuts to the bowl. (Walnuts are probably the best, but other nuts work.)

12. You want to fold the nuts in with a spatula. (Using the stand mixer here might smash them too much and throw off the consistency of the bread.)

13. Pour and scrape this mixture into the loaf pan.

14. Throw it in the oven until it is done. It should take about an hour.

Some folks say that this stuff should be eaten right away, but honestly it holds up pretty well just sitting on the counter. Just keep it covered with a little plastic wrap after its cooled off, and you have a quick breakfast of quick bread ready for a few days.

You be the judge!

I bought a bunch of banana from Hyde Park Produce for 19 cents a pound.

Should I make Banana Bread or Muffins tomorrow? Also, do we want almonds or chocolate chunks?

(Pictures and recipe to follow if it turns out pretty.)

Easy Apple Crisp

This is a good dessert for get-togethers as it is easy to make it in bulk and tastes good hot or cold. It calls for 4 cups of apples, and will work best with a mixture of differing tart ones.

Still, it tastes fine with canned apples or peaches or the like.

1. Turn on the oven to 375.

2. Peel, core and slice 4 cups of apples and put them in a dish. I've used pie pans, various casserole dishes, and other things. As long as it is deeper than a jelly roll pan, and the apples aren't stacked too high, you should be fine.

3. Sprinkle 2 tablespoons lemon juice over them.

4. Cut up half a stick of cold butter into smaller pieces and throw them into a bowl. Salted butter is fine here. If you use unsalted, you're going to want to throw in 1/4 teaspoon of salt later.

5. Into the butter bowl add 1/2 cup flour, 1/2 cup brown sugar, and a teaspoon of cinnamon.

6. You want to mash these together until you get something that looks like cornmeal.  A pastry blender works well for this, but you can use a couple of butter knives in tandem or a fork. Fingers will do as well, but you have to be careful not to work the butter too much; it might make things oily.

7. Sprinkle the crumblies on top of the apples, and throw the whole thing in the oven for about 30 minutes.

You're done. Pull it out whenever the color looks good to you. None of the ingredients are dangerous to eat raw. I think the stuff tastes best when it is fresh from the oven with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top.

Hollandaise

Hollandaise, celebrate, it would be so nice.

Hollandaise sauce might be one of the 5 most delicious things ever invented. Whether you are making Eggs Benedict or just sprucing up some steamed asparagus, its a nice way to impress houseguests.

 Just be careful with it, and make it at the last minute.

You need a wire whisk to do the beating here. Don't mess around with a fork.

The recipe has a lot of steps, but it isn't too complicated. It will make a cup of hollandaise.

1. Get two pots of water ready. One should be brought to a boil, the other should be be heated below boiling point and should be able to fit a double boiler.

2. Melt a stick of butter and set it aside. (You might want to use clarified butter, if it is a muggy day. Otherwise, regular old butter works.)

3. Put 1 1/2 Tablespoons of lemon juice in a tiny nesting bowl, and set that aside.

4. Put 3 egg YOLKS in the double boiler over the hot water. The water should not be boiling and the double boiler should not be touching the hot water.

5. Beat those yolks until they thicken a bit.

6. Remember that boiling water? Grab a Tablespoon of it and dump it in your eggs.

7. Beat those yolks until they thicken a bit.

8. Add another tablespoon of the boiling water to the yolks.

9. Beat those yolks until they thicken a bit.

10. Add another tablespoon of boiling water to the yolks.

11. Beat those yolks until they thicken a bit.

12. Add another tablespoon of boiling water to the yolks.

13. Beat those yolks until they thicken a bit.

14. Now throw the lemon juice into the yolks and take it off the heat.

15. Keep beating it with the wire whisk while adding the melted stick of butter.

16. Throw in a hint of salt and a tiny bit of cayenne.

17. Keep beating until it is thick, and serve it right away.

There is a cheater way to make hollandaise, but I never tried it, personally. Y'all are welcome to, and tell me how it goes.

a. Get a blender.

b. Drop in 3 egg yolks, 2 Tablespoons of Lemon juice, a touch of salt and a tiny bit of cayenne.

c. Put the lid on it

d. Microwave a stick of butter until it bubbles.

e. Blend the stuff in the blender on HIGH for a few seconds.

f. Take the lid off the blender while blending and slowly pour the hot butter over it.

e. When the butter is poured the sauce should be done.

Buttermilk Pancakes

Buttermilk pancakes are, in some ways, simpler than plain pancakes. The ingredients are less likely to be in the average home, but it is a lot easier to get a good color on buttermilk pancakes.

This recipe, done plainly, tastes just like McDonald's Hotcakes. If this isn't a good thing for you, add a little vanilla to the wet ingredients or cinnamon to the dry or something else to change things up.

1. Whisk together 1 cup of cake flour with 1 teaspoon of sugar, 1/2 teaspoon of salt, just under 1 teaspoon of baking powder and 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda. You can sift these together if you want to be all fancy, but it will still work if you are lazy and don't want to take the time to buy a sifter and subsequently try to use it and clean it.

2. In a separate bowl beat an egg. Just a little bit. Until it is light.

3. Add to the egg 1 cup of buttermilk and 2 Tablespoons melted (unsalted) butter.

4. Combine the wet with the dry with as few strokes as possible.

5. Cook them like you'd cook the plain pancakes.

Pork Chops with Apples

I've neglected pork for far too long on this here blog. No more!

The following recipe is for 1/2 inch think pork sirloin chops. Loin chops will also work. Chops of differing sizes will work to some degree, just adjust the cooking times as necessary. Trichinosis isn't is common as salmonella, so under-cooked pork isn't as scary as under-cooked chicken.

Still, I don't want you bothering me with your hospital bills.

I imagine most people have most of these ingredients in their kitchen already. Maybe you need to buy the pork chops and the apples.

1. In a large ziplockish bag, mix 2 Tablespoons flour, 2 Tablespoons cornmeal, 1 tablespoon dried rosemary (crushed between two spoons), 1 teaspoon of salt and a bit of pepper.

2. Put 2 Tablespoons of olive oil and 2 Tablespoons butter in a frying pan, and heat to medium high.

3. Right as the butter starts to smoke, cook pork chops. It will take between 10 and 15 minutes. You only want to turn them once, so wait about 6 minutes before you do.

4. The pork should be nice and brown. Move it to a dish and keep it warm. Put a lid on it, or foil or an upside-down plate.

5. Now dump 2 apples cut into wedges into the same oil in which you cooked the pork. Sprinkle a teaspoon of sugar over them.

6. Cook for a minute, flip them, cook for another minute.

7. Garnish the pork with the apples, either on the platter or on individual plates.

Quick Note

Do not make the previous recipe, the Swedish Lemon Angels.

It is an April Fool's recipe. Do you know what happens when you dump a cup of lemon juice into a mixture with 5 tablespoons of baking soda?

SCIENCE!

(Regular recipes return tomorrow.)

Swedish Lemon Angels

This is a special recipe for the holidays, crispy and airy lemon treats. I got it from an unexpected source, but trust me these are delicious.

1. In a small bowl, beat one egg till foamy.

2. Add 1/2 cup buttermilk and 1/2 tsp vanilla.

3. Add 5 teaspoons of baking soda, one at a time.

4. Beat until it is the consistency of light cream.

5. Add 1 cup of lemon juice all at once and stir it gently.

6. Scoop the mixture out of the bowl and spread it on a floured surface.

7. Add 1 cup of flour and 3/4 cup sugar in a bowl and whisk.

8. Work this into the lemon mixture.

9. Roll the dough out to 1/32 of an inch.

10. With the tip of a knife, cut into 18 angel shapes. They don't have to be perfect and they don't have to be angels. (Re-roll as necessary.)

11. Sprinkle sugar over all the angels.

12. Brush each angel with melted margarine.

13. Place the angels on an ungreased baking sheet. Don't allow them to touch.

14. Bake in a 375 degree oven for about 12 minutes, or until golden.

Mai Tai

I don't drink. I haven't had more than a taste of anything since Clinton was president.

But even I know that the poor Mai Tai is abused and confused in this modern world of tacky chain restaurants, trendy kids with ironic clothing, and MFin' Bacardi.

The following is not THE definitive recipe, but is close enough for the common man. If you are offered a Mai Tai with any juice in it other than lime juice, throw it in the bartender's face.

1. Fill a cocktail shaker with ice.

2.  In that cocktail shaker add 2 oz. light rum, 2 oz. dark rum, 1 oz Curacao, the juice of one fresh lime (Don't use Rose's or the little plastic lime), 1 Tbsp simple syrup, 1 Tbsp orgeat syrup (the almond syrup they use at coffee shops).

3. Shake.

4. Strain into a chilled double old-fashioned glass over a little cracked ice.

6. Garnish with a sprig of mint.

Green Beans Almondine

So, it dawns on me that I haven't really given any recipes for side dishes or vegetables. We'll fix that thing.

Generally, my wife makes the green beans, but I showed her this recipe long ago. She does it somewhat differently, preferring to use sesame oil in the frying pan.

This is far from a definitive recipe for Green Beans Almondine. Every cook has his or her own twist.

There are no exact quantities here. This is the sort off recipe you play around with.

1. Wash green beans, and cut off the ends.

2. Drop them in some boiling water for about a minute or two. It'll make them nice and green.

3. Now melt a little butter in a pan with some olive oil.

4. Once that is melted, throw in some minced garlic. One to four cloves, depending on how big they are and how many beans you have.

5. Sauté the garlic on medium for about a minute or two.

6. Throw in some sliced or slivered almonds. (Whatever your preference is. They sell them in little bags, pre-cut. One or two of those will generally do.)

7. Sauté the almonds for about a minute or two. Be careful not to burn them.

8. Throw the cut and washed beans in there, and toss them around with the almonds and garlic. Keep them on the heat for another four minutes or so.

Salt and pepper and you are good to go.

Snoopy Snacks

This is the simplest, kid-friendliest recipe I know. I learned it in Home Careers class in Junior high. It's three ingredients, can be made without a stove, and you end up with crunchy balls of chocolate and peanut-butter.

1. Melt 1 cup of chocolate with 1/2 cup of peanut butter. You can use chocolate chips or melting wafers, it doesn't change things very much. You can use a double boiler, an improvised double boiler (i.e. a pot of boiling water with a bowl over it), or the microwave. (If using the microwave, lower the power a little bit, and go 30 seconds at a time, stirring after each go. Melted things in the microwave sometimes hold their shape. If you cook the chocolate in the microwave it gets crumbly and gross; just melt it.)

2. Gently mix 2 cups of Rice Krispies into the melted chocolate and peanut butter. (You don't want to smash the cereal.)

3. Put a piece of wax paper over a cookie sheet.

4. Drop the mixture onto the cookie sheet by the tablespoon.

5. Put it in the freezer for 20 minutes to set.

Done.

Pastel de Tres Leches

Pouring tasty liquids over baked goods is a fine dessert strategy. Tiramisu might be fancier, but it is hard to beat a good tres leches. Basically, we have an angel food cake soaked in three different types of milk and frosted. It's like somebody put the vanilla ice cream on top of your cake and let it sit a bit, in the good way.

First off, a warning: this recipe takes about 10 hours. You cannot start making this the night you want it. 


1. Combine slightly more than 1 1/2 cups cake flour, 1 teaspoon of baking powder and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. (If you don't have cake flour, use 1.5 cups exactly of all purpose flour and 2 tablespoons of corn starch. You'll end up with a stiffer cake, most likely. )

2. Set the flour mixture aside.

3. Beat a stick of unsalted butter until it is fluffy.

4. Beat into the 1 1/8 cups sugar into the butter.

5. Beat 5 eggs into the butter/sugar. Nice and slow, one at a time.

6. Mix in 1/2 TBSP of vanilla.

7. Combine the flour mixture into the butter mixture about 1/3 at a time. Don't over-beat. Seriously.

8. Put this into a greased and floured 13x9 pan, and stick this into a 350 degree oven. It's not a lot of batter, don't worry about that.

9. Bake this until it's golden, about 25 minutes.

10. Pull the cake out and let it cool.

11. Poke the cake with a fork so that there are a bunch of holes for the milk to go.

12. Whisk together a can of evaporated milk (12 oz size), a can of sweetened condensed milk (14 oz size), and 1 cup of half and half. (Or 1/2 cup whole milk and 1/2 cup cream.)

13. Pour that all over the cake, and toss it in the fridge. The cake will soak up all that liquid if you give it about 8 hours.

14. Now, we are going to make some frosting! Combine 2 cups of heavy cream, 1 cup of sugar and a teaspoon of vanilla. Whip that on low till you see stiff peaks.

15. Whip that on medium until it is nice and thick, then spread it on the cake.

16. Throw the cake back into the fridge, until you are ready to serve it.

Mad Men Party!

Well, maybe not a full party. . .

So we watched Mad Men last night, and invited over our sad, cable-less parents. Well, my wife's parents, but that's neither here nor there.

Anywho, for our somewhat-impromptu viewing party, the wife and I supplied the following:

Pigs in Blankets
1. Since this is an impromptu party, there is no time to make sausages or croissant dough. So we had to buy a package of "Little Smokies" sausages (Cocktail wieners will do, but these are better.), and one of those tubes of 35% flakier croissant dough.

2. We assembled them ahead of time. To do this: unroll the croissant dough and cut smaller to fit the tiny sausages. Depending on which size you bought, you should be able to get 3-5 portions from each croissant. Wrap the dough around the middle, leaving a little overhang on each side. Place on a seasoned cookie sheet.

3. You can throw them in the fridge like this until guests arrive. When ready, throw them into a 350 degree oven until the croissant dough is golden brown. (About 10 minutes.)

4. Serve with a whole grain mustard.


Martini
1. Pour into a mixing glass over ice 3oz of a good gin and 1/4teaspoon of dry vermouth.

2. Stir.

3. Strain into a chilled martini glass.

4. Throw a cocktail olive in there.

Vodka and shaking are for brutes. (I'm looking at you Mr. Bond.)

Then again, I'm a teetotaler, so this is all theoretical.



Coconut Macaroons
You shouldn't be friends with people who don't like coconut. They are not to be trusted.

1. In a large bowl combine 5 cups Angel Flake sweetened coconut, 2/3 cups sugar,  6 tablespoons flour and  a pinch of salt. (If you don't have sweetened coconut, you can use moist shredded coconut with sweetened condensed milk. A little more than a cup or so should work.) Mix this until uniform.


2. Mix in 4 egg whites and a teaspoon of almond extract. (If you don't have almond, you can use vanilla, but you might want to use up to 2 teaspoons.

3. Mix until uniform.

4. With a melon baller (or a tablespoon if you don't have such fancy things) drop balls of dough onto a greased and floured cookie sheet.

5. Bake at 325 for up to 20 minutes. The edges will become golden when they are perfect.

6. Take them off the sheets right away and cool them on a wire rack.

That's it. It's easy and requires few ingredients. After they are cooled you can roll them in sifted confectioner's sugar or dip them halfway into some melted chocolate. (If you do the chocolate, you have to chill them in order for the chocolate to set.

If you want chocolate throughout, that's a different recipe. You should buy unsweetened coconut, heat the sweetened condensed milk, throw a couple of tablespoons of cocoa in there, and let that cool before mixing it into the coconut.

Microwave Popcorn

So, I learned from Alton Brown's book, I'm Just Here for the Food, that you can make microwave popcorn from scratch. (Buy the book; it's got magnets!)

It's quick, cheap, and good if you are worried about weird chemicals, salt, fat, or yellow coloring in those microwavable bags.

All you need is popcorn kernels, a brown paper lunch bag, and a stapler.

1. Put 1/2 cup of the kernels in the lunch bag.

2. Fold the end and staple it shut. Use only 2 staples and make sure they are far apart. It the staples are close you might cause a spark and start a fire. Not only is that dangerous, burnt popcorn smells awful.

3. Microwave the bag like you would any other bag of microwave popcorn. Put it in for about 3 minutes, and stop the microwave when there are a few seconds between pops. (The popcorn button on my microwave works fine for even the homemade stuff, so I don't need to listen to it. Just pay attention the first time, at least.)

Now you've got some nice, low calorie popcorn. Feel free to melt some butter to fix that.

Restaurants and movie theaters use something called "popcorn salt". You can pick this up at any number of grocery stores. What it is is a finer grain of salt that better pairs well with delicious greasy things like french fries and buttery popcorn . Kosher and sea salts are bigger, regular old Morton's is normal, and popcorn salt is teeny tiny.

You can get bigger salt and take it to the mortar and pestle to get a substitute for popcorn salt, but popcorn salt isn't particularly expensive.

Simple Tzatziki

Here's a nice little sauce to go with your skewered foodstuffs. I personally don't like cucumbers, but I feel like I'm in the minority here. 

1. Start with 2 cucumbers. Peel them.

2. Now, grate them. 

3. Salt them and leave them in a colander to dry for about half an hour. 

4. Do something fun for a half hour. Like putting meat on a stick and squeezing lemons over them. Watch DS9 on Netflix while you do it. It holds up pretty well 

5. When the cukes are dry-ish combine them with two minced cloves of garlic, 2 cups of plain yogurt (or Greek, if you are fancy), and just under a tablespoon of dried mint. (If you have some fresh mint, throw in a tablespoon.) 

6. Chill for a half hour before serving. 

Plain Pancakes

Most pancakes require something special, like buttermilk or corn meal or a crêpe pan. If it is Sunday morning, and you have none of these things, you can probably still make pancakes.  Here is a recipe where baking powder is the most exotic ingredient.

1. Sift 1 1/2 cups flour.
2. Sift it again with 1 TSP salt, 3 TBSP sugar and a heaping 1/2 TBSP of baking powder.
3. In a separate bowl melt 3 TBSPs butter in the microwave.
4. Pour 1 1/4 cups milk into the butter.
5. Looks weird doesn't it?
6. Slightly beat 2 eggs and mix them into the milk.
7. Quickly mix the wet ingredients into the dry quickly. Don't overmix it; it should be slightly lumpy.
8. Cook the pancakes in a frying pan. The pan should be hot first, and greased.

EXTRAS!
-Finding the perfect temperature usually takes a pancake or two.
-Pancakes are ready to flip when the bubbles start to stiffen.
-If you want uniform pancakes, use a small, dry measuring cup. 1/4 cup size usually works for me.
 -You can use as little as 1 cup milk or only 1 egg and they still come out as pancakes. Shocking, no! See what works for you!

Chicken Marengo (Sort Of)

The old apocryphal story of  Chicken Marengo is one of Napoleon's chefs finding only hens and mushrooms while invading Italy and coming up with a dish, with Napoleon liking it so much that it was made before every battle.

Whatever.

Every recipe I've ever seen for it is wildly different. Some contain dried apricots, while others have a bunch of olives. Generally speaking cooking chicken in a Dutch oven will yield something yummy, so play around with it.

1. Cut a chicken into its eight useful parts. Salt and pepper all sides.

2. Put 1 TBSP olive oil and 3 TBSPs butter in a frying pan and melt the butter.

3. Brown the chicken pieces, skin side down first, for about 10 minutes each side. (We're just browning for flavor. We aren't cooking the chicken, nor are we "locking in any juices".)

4. Dump the pan's contents into a dutch oven, butter and oils included. (Carefully.)

5. Add to the dutch oven: 3 large tomatoes, skinned and diced; 3/4 lb of fresh mushrooms (I use tiny snow caps, uncut); 3 cloves of garlic, SMASHED; 1 cube of chicken bouillon, chopped up; some parsley, thyme and a bay leaf.

6. Pour 1 1/3 cups of white wine over the whole thing. (I used cooking sherry last time. Worked fine.)

7. Put the lid on the Dutch oven and cook at 325 for about an hour.

8. After an hour or so, remove a TBSP of the liquid and mix it with 1 TBSP flour.

9. Stir that into the dutch oven, and cook for another 15 minutes or so.

10. Enjoy. (Don't eat the Bay leaf. )

Getting Rid of Tomato Skins

Let's start with something simple: peeling tomatoes.

It is a 4 step process.

1. Boil some water.

2. Drop some tomatoes in said water. (About 2 minutes)

3. Take the tomatoes out.

4. Pull the skin off. (It should just slide right off.)