Shortbread

There is a comforting plainness to shortbread. It's a simple, three-four ingredient recipe, quick to make, and easy to eat.

Plus, it has the added bonus having dough that is completely safe for a kid to eat off a spoon.

So, celebrate Scotland and make some shortbread!

1. Cream two sticks of butter. I'll wait.

2. Mix together 2 cups of AP flour, 1/2 cup of confectioner's sugar, and 1/4 teaspoon of salt. (Skip the salt if you used salted butter in step one.)

3. Mix the dry ingredients into the butter, and you'll get a fairly thick dough.

4. Smoosh the dough into a 9x9 pan. (Since the dough is about 28.5% butter, you don't have to grease the pan.)

5. Here is the complicated part: poke it with a fork!

6. Bake it in a 325 degree oven for about 25 minutes.

7. Taste the fork!

Not Dead

Just a busy month for the family.

Marinade for Kabobs

As we all know, shish means stuff and kabob means "on a stick".

Everything is better on a stick. (or is that a pole?)

Anywho, since my wife doesn't like lamb, we usually use chicken as our shish.

Here is what I like to do to it ahead of time.

1. Trim the chicken of fat and gristle.

2. Cut the chicken into proper kebob size. (A little more than an inch across works for me.)

3. Put some Olive Oil into a bowl or dish with a tight fitting lid.

4. Place the chicken cubes in there.

5. Squeeze the juice of a couple of lemons on top of that.

6. Sprinkle in some minced garlic, onion salt, pepper, dill, and marjoram.

7. Put the lid on and shake it up.

8. Toss that into the fridge for an hour or so, and you'll be ready to put the chicken on some sticks.

(Make sure you soak wooden sticks in water, if you plan to cook them on fire.)

Chicken Wings

The popular version of chicken wings started in the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York. You know what else starts around Buffalo?

That's right, The Mosquito Song! (Available as a FREE e-book May 9th and 10th!) Available at that website named after large single-breasted women.

Wait, why are we talking about boobs? They have absolutely nothing to do with chicken wings.

1. Assuming you just bought a pack of chicken wings, and not a dozen chickens, you are going to want to separate the wings into their three parts. At one end is the "drumstick" part, the middle is the "wing" part, and the far end is the "nib".

2. Set the nibs aside for stock or toss them out. OR be like me and do the former, wait three months, then do the latter.

3. Flour the useful parts of the wings. Seasoning if fine, but not really necessary beyond salt and pepper. The flour is more to get the wings dry than to give them flavor.

4. Heat up the deep fat fryer to 375. If you don't have a deep fryer, I am told a dutch oven works well in a pinch. Don't have a dutch oven? You can use a deep frying pan, but be prepared for some greasy cleanup.

5. Cook the wings in relatively small batches for about 10-15 minutes. Set them on paper towels when done.

6. In a large bowl or casserole dish or whatever you have with a tight fitting lid, dump in a bunch of Frank's Red Hot.

7. Add a little melted margarine into the hot sauce. The more you add, the less spicy the wings will be.

8. Put the wings in the bowl.

9. Close the lid.

10. Shake.

Serve these with a bleu cheese dressing. One with chunks, but a mild flavor. Watering it down with mayonnaise isn't frowned upon.

Egg Dumplings

I don't think we've done any German food, before. You can do worse than these egg dumplings whose name comes from a term meaning "little sparrow".

Traditionally,  Spätzle is made by scraping its dough off of a cutting board and dropping it into seasoned water or stock. More modern methods involve a spatzle cutter, or by pushing the dough through a colander.

I tend to put the dough in a pastry bag without a tip, push it through there, and cut off the pieces with a knife until they are about the size of gnocchi.

I've only made them a few times, so this recipe is still being perfected.

Here's how you make the dough.

1. Put a pot of stock or salted, seasoned water on the stove.

2. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer.

3. Beat two eggs in a medium-large bowl.

4. Mix into the eggs: 3/2 cups of flour, 1/2 cup plus a tablespoon water, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/4 teaspoon baking powder. (Lookee here, you got dough.)

5. Mix a small amount of grated nutmeg into the dough. (I literally take a lemon zester and run the nutmeg down it once.)

6. Now, you can spoon the dough into the stock, push it through the colander, push it through a pastry bag.

7. When is it done? When it floats! It doesn't take long, so you know what to do.

Now, you're ready for all your German guests.