1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Make sure the oven is empty first. If you had a cat in the oven, magical things could happen.
2. Get some zucchini!
3. Grate those two zucchini. You don't have to peel them or seed them or anything like that. Just cut off the ends.
4. In a bowl combine two eggs, 4/3 cup of sugar and a half tablespoon of vanilla.
5. Now add the zucchini to the eggs and sugar.
6. It looks like spinach dip, but don't eat it.
7. Now for a trick that makes everything better: a stick and a half of melted butter!
8. It's pretty tempting to drink that butter, but go ahead and pour it into the zucchini mixture.
9. Now get a new damned bowl.
10. Into this bowl add three cups of flour, two teaspoons of baking soda, a half teaspoon of salt, just under a tablespoon of cinnamon, and a 1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg.
11. Oh, you should probably mix it.
12. Then mix the dry into the wet. It'll turn out pretty thick.
13. Grease the crap out of a muffin tin. Those papers are for the weak.
14. This mixture will not pour. You'll need to spoon it into the tins. Go all the way to the very top.
15. Pop it into the oven.
16. Close the oven door. Otherwise the kitchen gets very hot.
17. The oven should be done in roughly thirty minutes.
18. Transfer from the rack to a rack.
19. I didn't make a boob joke!
20. Now eat the muffins. Eat all the goddamned muffins!
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