What we all will eat when she comes.

Chicken and Dumplings 

This is one of those things like Chicken Paprika or Chili or Chicken Soup or whatever, where everybody's mom has a different recipe. Really, it's just some boiled chicken and some wet biscuits, so it doesn't matter too much what you put in it.


It's easiest for me to use a dutch oven, but a stock pot would work just fine.


Also, you are going to want to start about 3 hours before you want to eat. Plan ahead, people.


1. Cut up a chicken into its useful parts. If it is small (about 3 lbs) use the whole thing. If it is big, use about half. You can also use a few thighs or breasts or whatever chicken parts you might have. Don't bother taking the skin off or the bones out.

2. Toss that into your cold dutch oven. We are going to pull the skin off later, so there is no need to brown any of it.

3. Toss into the dutch oven with the chicken 1 chopped up onion, 3 large chopped up carrots, 2 chopped up celery stalks, and whatever herbs and spices you like. I like thyme. I threw in a bunch. And some turmeric. Throw in a tsp of pepper and a little more than that of salt. The vegetable amounts are not terribly important. I made this on the fly last time and didn't have any celery. So I replaced the celery with nothing and things worked out fine. I also replaced the big carrots with about a dozen or so baby carrots.


4. Pour over the chicken about 3 or four cups of broth. Pour in enough water on top of that to make sure that the chicken is covered. You can add some chicken bouillon to the water if you want your chicken to be extra chicken-y.

5. Bring to a boil.

6. Reduce to a simmer.

7. Keep on simmering. (About 2 hours)

8. Pull the chicken out with a pair of tongs and set aside to cool. You can do this with your bare-hands, but you probably shouldn't.

9. Keep those veggies simmering or don't. The veggies don't mind.

10. Pull the skin off the chicken and feed that to your dog.

11. Pull the meat off the chicken bones and throw that back into the simmering pot. If you turned it off before, turn it back on.

12. Throw the chicken bones away. They're no good for your dog. He'll poop weird and it'll be gross.

13. Make some dumplings. You can make a nice, light, fluffy dumping with 1 cup cake flour, 2 tsp baking powder, an eggs and some milk. But my mom always used Bisquick and I had some Bisquick in the house. So listen to there recipe. I think it is 2 cups Bisquick and 2/3 cup milk. When the dough is uniform, use a tablespoon to drop it into the simmering stock.

14. Simmer the dumplings uncovered for 5 minutes, then cover and simmer for 15 minutes more.

15. Now, you've got chicken and dumplings and she can come and wear red pajamas and ride some white horses and sleep with grandma.

I never realized how lewd that song was.


Anywhoozle, you got to eat this stuff right away. The dumplings will disintegrate on you if you keep a pot of leftovers in your fridge. Then again, that just makes the whole thing a thicker soup, so do whatever the hell you want.

Frosting for Crimmus Cookies!

As a follow up to yesterday's cookie recipe, here is the frosting.

1. Toss a half stick of butter in the mixer.

2. Add 2 cups of confectioner's sugar.

3. Add 2 tsps of vanilla and 3 TBSPs milk.

4.  If you'd like add 1/2 tsp of almond extract.

Now, you can frost and decorate the cookies.

After 1/2 and hour on the cookies, the frosting should harden to the point that you can stack the cookies. Still, it is best to separate layers with waxed paper.

Store the decorated cookies in a tight fitting container with a slice of bread to maintain softness.

Crimmus Cookies!

So, I've been making or helping to make these cookies since. . . well, for a long time.

They are called Kris Kringles. I don't know if that is their common name, though, so call them whatever you like. You can make them for St. Patrick's day then and not just Christmas.

In terms of cut-out cookies, they are relatively simple to make. The only ingredient that is exotic is cream of tartar. Cream of tartar is potassium bitartrate, and it is not made from relish and mayo and it is definitely not a grumpy cat.

1. Cream 2 sticks of butter (i.e. 1 cup) with 2 cups of sugar.

2. Beat three eggs slightly, and mix them into the butter and sugar.

3. Dissolve 1/2 a tablespoon of Cream of tartar and 1/2 a tablespoon of baking soda in 2 tablespoons milk.

4. Mix that into the butter and sugar mixture.

5. Add 1 tsp salt and 1 tsp vanilla.

6. Now mix in up to 4 1/2 cups flour. Too much flour it dries out and too little it doesn't roll properly.

7. You can roll the dough now, but I like to let is chill in the fridge for a day or so.

8. Work about 1/2 the dough in your hands like you are making a big meatball.

9. Roll it flat on a floured surface with a rolling pin to desired thickness.

10. Get to cutting!

(Or get a little girl to do that part for you.)

11. Bake the cookies in a 350 degree oven for about 10 minutes. Smaller cookies will take about 7. Big, thick cookies might take as many as 12.

12. Cool on a wire rack, then transfer to a tray.

13. Repeat until all the dough is used up, or until you are sick of making cookies.

It makes a lot of cookies.

14. After they have cooled, they need some frosting, and decorating.



I guess I can give you a frosting recipe late. . .

The Making of. . .

I'm in the middle of making some Crimmus cookies. Dough is chilling as we speak. Will share a recipe with pictures tomorrow if all goes according to plan.

In the meantime, enjoy this clip of the true meaning of the holiday.

I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth. . .

If you're like me, and I know I am, you might not read recipes carefully prior to going shopping. Then you're in the middle of baking and realize that you can't finish the recipe.

What to do?

Well, generally, it is best to go back to the store. Or find a different recipe.

But we can SUBSTITUTE. Sometimes we can even SUBSTITUTE for a SUBSTITUTE!

Here are some quick fixes for what you might be missing.

ALL SPICE: Use a mixture of half cinnamon and half cloves.

BAKER'S CHOCOLATE: You can replace an ounce with a tablespoon of Crisco and 3 Tablespoons Cocoa powder.

BUTTERMILK: You can use yogurt in most recipes, or make some buttermilk by pouring a cup of whole milk over a tablespoon of white vinegar and letting it sit for five minutes.

WHITE SUGAR: Brown sugar, just use 25% more.

Seriously, though. Nobody keeps buttermilk in their house, right?

Roast Chicken (Farm Style)

I thought I give a simple recipe for chicken where you didn't have to butcher and brown it first.

I don't know why you wouldn't want to do these things, but some people are weird.

This recipe is easy in terms of ingredients, but needs a dutch oven to work properly.

In fact, I think that this recipe might only require THREE ingredients. Four, if you count water.

You won't get a crispy skin, which is sad.

1. Buy a chicken. You'll want a roaster. Nothing major. A four pound bird.

2. Preheat the oven to 375.

3. Remove the giblets and rinse the bird.

4. Place the bird in a dutch oven, breast side up.

5. Add 3/4 cups water and 3 tablespoons butter into the dutch oven.

6. Lay five strips of bacon over the top of the bird, perpendicular to its line of symmetry.

7. Put the top on the dutch oven.

8. Put the dutch oven in the proper oven.

9. Leave it in there for 75 minutes. (Some recipes call for constant basting. I don't have a baster, so in order to keep the bird from drying out I leave the top on the dutch oven. Its easier.)

10. Take the bird out and put it on a plate for slicing. (Eat the bacon or share it with the dog.)

11. Pour some of the fat out of the juices. (It should be floating on top.)

12. Add 1 cup of water to the oven juices.

13. Place that on the stove on high.

14. Boil and reduce the volume to half.

15. Hey, you've got gravy!

I suppose I should add a recipe for biscuits. . .

Happy Thanksgiving