Banana Cake

All right, all right, maybe I just did a couple of banana recipes. But, guys, this banana cake is so good. It can work with frosting, caramel, whipped cream or just powdered sugar on top. I show it with the powdered sugar, which is good if you are eating it same day. Otherwise, go for a nice frosting.

To make up for another day of bananas, I give you lots of pictures!

1. Set out a stick of butter, 2 eggs and slightly more than 1/4 cup of vanilla yogurt. (Don't mix them, just take them out of the fridge in order to get to room temperature. )

2. Turn on the oven to 350.

3. Mix 2 1/4 cups cake flour with 1/2 teaspoon of baking powder, 1 tsp of baking soda, and 1/2 teaspoon of salt.

4. Put the stick of butter in the mixer and cream it.

5. Add to the butter 1 1/2 cups sugar.

6. Add an egg into it and beat it.

7. Do it again.

8. Mash up 1 cup of bananas and mix it with the vanilla yogurt.

9. Now, pour the flour mixture and the banana mixture into the butter mixture in about 3 batches a piece, stirring between each addition.

10. After everything is smooth and mixed, pour the batter evenly into 2 nine-inch cake pans.

11. Bake for about half an hour.

12. After the cakes have cooled, stack them up with a layer of sliced bananas in between.

13. Dust with some powdered sugar.

It kinda looks like a giant moon pie.

Cheese Sauce

Last post, I said something along the lines of "my daughter doesn't eat much of anything."

It's true. 

But she does eat pasta. She doesn't really like red sauce, but anything cheesy is fine.

Thus, cheese sauce for all your Fettuccine Alfredo needs.

1. So, you've made some pasta already, hopefully. In a pot big enough to hold all that pasta, melt a couple of tablespoons of butter. Don't burn it. Keep the heat nice and low.

2. Put a heaping tablespoon of flour into the melted butter and whisk.

3. Once all the flour in incorporated, pour a cup of milk into the butter mixture. (You've got a white sauce!)

4. Now add as much as a cup of grated cheese into this and take it off the heat.

5. Mix it up a little bit, and then throw the pasta into it.

Feel free to add any number of secret ingredients to this sauce. A teaspoon of Worcestershire works, or a little paprika, or any number of things. You can also mess with the fat content of the milk for varying levels of creaminess.

Simple Meatloaf

I remember every little thing as if it happened only yesterday. . .

No wait.

So, meatloaf can be as simple or as complicated as you'd like it to be. Some people throw in oats or onions, some people shove carrots in there, and really you can do whatever you want with it. Except this.

Never that.

Anyway, the following is a kid-friendly recipe that I have been making since age 9. It is simple, unpretentious, and has no chunks of anything scary in it. Basically, it is ideal for a picky 9 year old.

(My daughter won't eat it, but she won't eat anything.)

This is the sort of meatloaf you put ketchup on, and not the gravy sort. I don't want to mislead you.

1. Turn on the oven to 375.

2. In a large bowl mix 1lb of ground meat, 1 egg, 1 small can of tomato paste, 1/2 cup of Italian breadcrumbs, a little bit of salt, and a little bit of onion salt. Mix it up with your hands, until it is good and squishy.

3. Form a loaf shape with the meat and, for goodness sake, put it in a loaf pan.

4. You can squeeze a little ketchup on the top like Sandra Lee. Just make sure you use a goddamn loaf pan.

5. Cook it for about an hour.

If you want, you can throw some yellow cheese on top of the thing, and throw it back in the oven to melt for a few minutes. Use American cheese if you want. It isn't dinner party food; this is more like "I want to drown my sorrows in meat" food.

And meat makes things better.

Quick Cake

After the great moistness wars of the 1990s, it seems like all boxes of cake mix range from SUPER MOIST to HELLA SUPER MOIST.

That's fine, I guess. To me, the texture is getting farther and farther away from actual cake and closer to something that is individually wrapped.

I find it easier to work with cakes that are a little firmer. The following recipe is for a quick and easy homemade cake. There are a lot more complicated ways out there, with eggs separations, stiff peaks and temperature control. I'll publish one of those guys some time in the future. Those are great if you have all day; this is for people with shit to do.

1. Set out 2 eggs, a stick of butter, and a little over 1/2 cup of milk. You want these to be at room temperature when you start mixing.

2. Turn on the oven to 375.

3. Grease and flour 2 cake pans. Round 8 inches are preferable, but square ones will work too. Remember, wider pans will cook faster and narrower ones will cook slower. It's science!

4. In your mixer, or into a big bowl that works well with a hand mixer, add 7/4 cup cake flour, a cup of sugar, and a bit of salt. (If you are using salted butter, don't bother with more than a sprinkle. Otherwise, you want about a 1/2 teaspoon.)

5. Mix that up a bit to get everything uniform.

6. Add your eggs milk and butter, and slowly mix. Make sure you stop and check the bottom to make sure that all the dry ingredients have gotten wet.

7. Put a little vanilla extract, almond extract, or whatever you feel like, and mix that in.

8. Mix in 1/2 Tablespoon of baking powder.

9. Pour them into your two cake pans and toss those into the oven for about 20 minutes.

Now you've got some cake. After they are done, let them cool for a little bit, then you can frost them and stack them.

You might want to use a serrated knife to flatten the bulbous side of the bottom layer of cake, so the top can rest easily.

All in all, I think you'll fine it quite easy to make this cake.

Baconated Potatoes

So, I've been meaning to make Spätzle, photograph it, and write up a nice recipe.

The problem is, tomorrow is Hitler's birthday. It's not really the time of year to be celebrating German things. So, even though I have relatives names Braunscheidel, it is going to have to wait.

Instead we'll do Baconated Potatoes. These things work for pot-lucks, brunches, Christmas or the Fourth of July. They re-heat well if you return them to the frying pan.

The rules are really loose here and dependent on personal tastes. This is a recipe of "some"s and "about"s. I use about 4 pounds of potatoes and about a pound of bacon. That makes enough for a party, so your mileage may vary

1. Remove blemishes from some potatoes and chop them. (You can peel them, but the skins won't hurt you unless you eat a whole lot. Just make sure there aren't ugly spots or eyes.)

2. Bring a nice big pot of seasoned water to a boil for the potatoes. (Salt and pepper make everything better. A little oil in the pot helps keep things from boiling over.)

3. Drop the potatoes in when the water is boiling. (Be careful not to burn yourself.)

4. You are going to want to boil the potatoes until tender. It usually takes about 20 minutes, but may take longer depending on the size of your chop and the age and breed of potato.

5. While those boil, fry up a pound of bacon in a big frying pan or skillet. Get it nice and crispy. (Wait for the pan to be hot before you drop the bacon. It might take a few batches if your pan is small. If you pan is small, though, you might want to get another one going because you are currently boiling a lot of potatoes.)

6. Pull the bacon out of the pan, set it aside and save the grease in the pan.

7. Drain the potatoes and set those aside. (If you are super cheap, you can save the potato water for soup or bread-making.)

8. Now fry up some minced, crushed, pressed or otherwise smashed garlic in the bacon grease. Just a little, don't burn it. (Feel free to throw in some chopped onions, too. I don't like them, but they work well here.)

9. After you've garlic-ed up the bacon fat, put the potatoes in there and fry away. (The potatoes are already cooked, so you just want them to 1. get color, 2. get crispy, and 3. soak up that bacon grease.)

10. After the potatoes have sucked up all the bacon grease, the bacon should be cool enough to chop. So, chop it.

11. Throw the chopped bacon into the potatoes, and toss it around till mixed.

12. Salt and pepper to taste.

Hard Boiled Eggs

So it's a little late to make these for Easter. Though, in many ways, it is still Easter at the Kennedy household. That is to say, I bought a bunch of 90 percent off candy from Target.

Anyway, it's important to know how to hard boil an egg. You need it for the egg salad that the kids love, and that macaroni salad, and, I dunno, deviled eggs?

This is how you do it.

1. Set your eggs out so that they can rise to room temperature.

2. Put your eggs in a pot.

3. Cover with cold water.

4. Turn on the heat to medium.

5. When the water starts to boil, turn it down to a simmer and note the time.

6. After simmering for about 3 minutes, you will have soft boiled eggs. (These are good if you need to feed a pulp detective. I always picture them eating soft-cooked eggs, despite being "Hardboiled".)

7. After 10 minutes, remove your eggs from the hot water and set them in some cold water. (This keeps them from cooking more, and it keeps the yolks from turning that ugly color.)

8. Crack the shells and roll them in your hands to peel.

Remember kids: the fresher the eggs are, the harder they are to peel.

King Koopa Muffins

See these things?

Did you know they could be made into food?!
It's true!

Since theses strange things are green, yellow and orange, we have decided to name these muffins after one of the greatest heroes of our time.

1. Turn on the oven to 365.

2. Grease up a muffin tin. This should fill up 12 standard sized muffins fairly well. (I suppose you can use a Big Top Cupcake if you want one Giga-Bowser muffin, but you'll have to adjust time and temp.)

3. Toss a stick plus 3 Tablespoons of butter in the mixer with 2 eggs, 2/3 cups light brown sugar, 1/2 cup white sugar, and 1 teaspoon of vanilla.

4. Mix that till it is fairly uniform.

5. In a separate bowl, combine 2 cups AP flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, 2 teaspoons of cinnamon, 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg, 1/4 teaspoon of cloves and 1/2 a teaspoon of Morton Salt. (“I won’t publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are US Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s Salt, and the C.R. Lawrence fine two inch style oscillating knife blade.”)

6. Add the dry ingredients to the wet, and stir until mixed.

7. Stir in 1/2 cup finely shredded carrots, 3/4 cups finely shredded zucchini, and 3/4 cups finely shredded yellow summer squash. (I used baby carrots, but only because that is what I had. It's a lot easier to use whole carrots. Don't you be like me.)

8. Fill up the tins evenly. (I find it easiest to use a small measuring cup to scoop the batter into the cups. When scooping make sure that none of the vegetables have clumped together, and pull out any pieces that may be too big. )

9. Toss them into the oven and bake for about 22 minutes.

10. Now, you just have to employ some turtles and mushrooms in your schemes to best a plumber!